Category Archives: family

by | June 23, 2013 · 1:23 am

For Those We Love


English: Photo of author Vince Flynn taken by ...

English: Photo of author Vince Flynn taken by Phil Konstantin in San Diego on October 31, 2008. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week saw the loss of several people we all know of, though most of us have never met. The one who caught my eye and occupied many of my thoughts this week was novelists Vince Flynn. Vince was 47 years old. He was diagnosed with cancer three years ago. There were several things I contemplated while thinking of Vince. I have several personal friends and acquaintances who have fought cancer, some of whom lost their valiant struggle. Vince is a couple of years younger than I, and his youngest daughter is one year older than my daughter. Then of course Vince wrote 14 best sellers, and I write (I am still working towards my first best seller). Vince is survived by his wife Lysa, a stepson 16, and his two daughters 11 and 9.

Cover of "Term Limits"

Cover of Term Limits

Like so many bestselling authors, Vince’s first novel, Term Limits, was rejected by the established publishers. He collected 60 rejection slips before he self-published Term Limits, which went on to become a success, after which he received a publishing contract and an agent. He wrote 15 novels and his latest novel is coming out soon.

I never knew Vince, but there are several things I would like to point out about Vince, things we can all learn from him.

First, he did not quit. How many of us can say we could take 60 rejection slips and still push forward. Like so many of the other people I have written about over the past year, Vince did not become successful on his first try, his second, or even his sixtieth. When people kept shutting the door on Vince, he created his own door, publishing his first novel on his own. Perseverance, that is what it takes to be successful.

His family morns him now, but they have their memories which they will always cherish, the best of all legacies. Equally important to Vince, if not his family, is his ability to provide for his family even after he has left them. Copyrights are good for 50 years after the death of the author, they are also transferable like other property (such as money, houses, cars) and can be bequeathed in a will to your survivors. So, until June 19, 2063, Vince’s royalties from his work will continue to be paid to the family he loved so much. His children will be older than I am now when the copyright runs out. His grandchildren, yet to be born, will also benefit from his work as a bestselling author.

It is very fortunate for not only his family, but also us his readers, that Vince persevered and published Term Limits on his own. If he had put his writing aside instead of publishing it himself, it would be sitting on a shelf somewhere today, collecting dust. It is rare for a discarded manuscript to be published after the author’s death. So, what are we to learn from Vince?

Finish your book, no more excuses, finish your book. Fiction, non-fiction, poetry (poke poke Mon Chere), it matters not what you are working on, PUBLISH YOUR WORK.

Louis L'Amour

Louis L’Amour (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Second, even if you have not published anything before today, tomorrow make sure you include a clause in your will stating who receives your copyrights when you die (for me that person is my daughter). You can leave your copyrights to anyone, even a charity if you wish. Louis L’Amour left his copyrights to his son and daughter; to this day (25 years after his death) new printings of Louis’ work continue to be released under their direction and benefit. You can take care of those you love, for the next 50 years.

Though it is a pretty safe bet your work will be no more popular tomorrow than it is today, you cannot make that claim for ten years from now, next year, or even next month. The single most important influence to your financial success is the taste of the public. Yes, I know (please no comments refuting that last statement) the quality of your work is important, and you should never be satisfied with your work. You should always strive to make your next piece better than your last. However, if you go to Amazon.com you will see many bestsellers replete with editing errors.

There comes a point of diminishing returns, sure you could rewrite again, but your work is as good as it will ever be. Spending another month or another year, you may find a few more places to rewrite a few words. At that point, you are merely finding excuses not to publish. Except for a few people (who have as their main vocation writing bad comments and reviews), readers do not expect perfection, they expect good.

So, get those poems together and publish them (poke poke Mon Chere). Stop rewriting (for another 100 times) that book of fiction or non-fiction, and publish. PUBLISH.

While you are at it, checkout Vince’s last book when it comes out. If you have not read any of his work, download one of his books today or buy a print copy. Vince is one of us, a writer, he is a coworker of ours. When you get your first (or next) Vince Flynn novel you will not only be buying a good read, but you will be helping your coworker take care those he loved, for the next 50 years … and that ain’t too bad.

Thank you Vince. Thank you for showing us, for showing me, an unselfish example of perseverance and strength.

Vince’s website is www.vinceflynn.com

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by | June 16, 2013 · 12:00 am

An Inspiration For All Of Us “Old Guys” On Father’s Day


picture of 1882 Rutgers College Football team

picture of 1882 Rutgers College Football team (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today we are going to talk about another Southerner. Like most of us, he started as just another kid in his local high school. But, Jerry worked hard 365 days of the year, he is an example of what all of us can become with hard work and perseverance. So, get a refill of your favorite Sunday morning beverage and let’s meet Jerry.

Jerry was born and raised in Mississippi. His dad was a brick mason and Jerry developed his fast hands working for his dad. According to a book, written about Jerry by Michael Silver, Jerry ran from his principal after being tracked down for skipping school. The principal gave Jerry the choice of joining the football team or being punished for skipping school. Jerry joined the football team.

Ten years after joining the 49ers football team, a new rookie asked Jerry if he could workout with him during the off season. Most football players at that time did not workout year round. Talking with a reporter later about the workout this young rookie said he literally could not keep up with the “old man.” That hard work made it possible for Jerry to spend twenty years doing something he loved in a sport where most people have to retire after five to ten years. Jerry went twelve years before his first major injury. That injury ended a streak of 189 consecutive starts for Jerry in the NFL. A streak that is longer than the careers of the majority of NFL veterans.

The new NFL logo went into use at the 2008 draft.

The new NFL logo went into use at the 2008 draft. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Everyone who plays college football was a high school star football player. Everyone who plays pro football, was a star in college football. Jerry is a star among stars. He always worked hard on the basics, had a strong work ethic, and was dedicated to his team and teammates.

Jerry Rice signing autographs in 2006.

Jerry Rice signing autographs in 2006. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If Jerry would have had a five year or ten year career, he would have been a great player. But because of all the hard work he did, work that few people witnessed, he became the number two all-time greatest player on a list of the 100 greatest NFL players by Sporting News, in 1999. In 2010, he was named as the NFL’s greatest all-time player. He has more records than any NFL receiver does. He missed only 10 regular season games in 20 years, 7 of those in 1997 with his fist major injury. The first year he was eligible Jerry Rice was elected to the football Hall of Fame.

NFL legend Jerry Rice at CTIA Wireless in Las ...

NFL legend Jerry Rice at CTIA Wireless in Las Vegas (cropped from the original photograph) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The state of Mississippi is often cited by the press for poverty and many other attributes that many states try to avoid, often being at the top of the bad lists and the bottom of the good lists. In life it does not matter where you start or what life gives you to work with. It matters what you do with it, and Jerry Rice became the greatest of the great, because of what he did with what he had. Because of the hard work Jerry put into his profession he kept himself healthy (avoiding more serious injuries), and became the very best in his profession. Jerry spent the last several years of his career going up against defensive backs young enough to be his sons, and he bested everyone of them. If Jerry Rice can start as a young kid from Mississippi skipping school, and become the greatest football player in history, what are you going to become the greatest at? Most people have advantages Jerry Rice did not have as a young kid. What’s holding you back?

No.

That is not a good excuse.

Hey, I love you like family, but if Jerry can do it you can too. So, let’s get started. The world is waiting for you. And when you make it you are not the only one who benefits. Your success will help millions of people, people you will probably never have a chance to meet. So go do it, they deserve the chance just as much as you and they are waiting on you.

Me? I am going fishing with my daughter at Slate Run Park, like I do every Father’s Day. As usual, my daughter has been asking me about our annual pilgrimage since Mother’s Day.

I hope YOU have a great Father’s Day!

P.S.

Sorry, I just could not leave for my fishin’ trip without saying one last thing. Jerry Rice and I are the same age, and boy did it feel great for this 44 year old man to watch that 44 year old man run circles around 22 and 24 year old pro athletes.

Thanks Jerry !

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by | June 2, 2013 · 12:00 am

Where Success With People Begins and Ends.


“Do Unto Others …”

By James R. Fisher, jr.

In my years as a corporate executive and then consultant, I’ve learned this: while technical systems change rapidly, the systems that govern our social behavior have evolved little in 2000 years. And we get we want out of life only by working with and through others.

To maintain that perspective in my life, I wrote down some rules that seem to flow from it. Here they are:

To have a friend, you must be a friend,

starting with yourself.

The greatest hunger a person has is to be needed.

Help create that feeling in others.

The greatest virtue is kindness.

You can’t love everyone, but you can be kind to everyone.

Don’t try to impress others.

Let them have the fun of impressing you.

Be enthusiastic.

Nothing of consequence was ever achieved

without enthusiasm.

Be positive.

Positive people attract others, while negative people repel.

You have greater impact on others

by the way you listen than by the way you talk.

Gossip cheapens the one who gossips

more than the one gossiped about.

Call a person by his or her name

and use it often in conversation.

Communicate cheerfulness.

Differences are bound to occur and can be resolved if

conflict is managed in a polite manner.

If you are given to making fun of someone,

be sure it is yourself.

Be genuinely interested in others.

Get them to talk about themselves.

A smile doesn’t cost anything and pays big dividends.

Not only does it make you feel good, but

it makes everyone else feel better too.

Be the first to say, “Hello! Good to see you.”

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

The golden rule is where it all begins and ends.

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by | May 19, 2013 · 12:00 am

Life is Just, Driving in the Snow


In 1982, I returned to Groton, Connecticut, home of the United States Submarine Force. This time I was reporting to my first submarine. In the interim, I had been to Virginia Beach, Virginia, then on to San Diego, California for sonar school. San Diego — Balboa Park, San Diego Zoo, The Del, and magic lessons (this one is a story for another time), many of my classmates insisted I go to Black’s Beach, but I never made it. The next time I would go to San Diego, I would pass the test to join MENSA, but joined the United States Chess Federation instead. I enjoyed San Diego, but in my mind, Groton was where I belonged. I could feel the presence of my submarine forefathers everywhere I went. I would learn many things in Groton.

One of the earliest things I learned in Groton was how to drive in snow. This time in Groton, I had my own wheels, a 1978 Ford F-150 pickup truck. In the early 1980’s trucks were still work vehicles, and you could get a truck for half the price of a car. So, there I was, a Florida boy with my pickup and Florida plates. driving in snow in Groton, Connecticut.

I would see a green light at the intersection a block ahead of me, and I would start slowing down, the light would be red by the time I got to the intersection. On Sundays, little old ladies on their way to church would pass me. Of course, it did not take long before a Groton police officer pulled me over. He never asked for my driver’s license, insurance, or registration.

“Are you in the navy?” asked the officer.

“Yes sir.”

“Are you actually from Florida?”

“Yes sir.”

“Have you ever driven in snow before?”

“No sir.”

He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a business card, which he handed to me.

“That shopping center over there closes at 9 PM tonight. I want you to go to the far end of the parking where there are no light posts. I want you to drive in the snow and lose control of your truck, then regain control of it again. I want you to keep doing this until you are comfortable driving in snow. If anyone stops you, I want you to hand them my card, and tell them I told you to do it, that you are learning to drive in snow.”

He did not chastise me, write me a ticket, or even give me a warning. In a calm and soft voice, he gave me the guidance I needed, steered me in the right direction, and allowed me to venture out to face my fear on my own. I was all over that parking lot. Long after I felt comfortable driving in snow I was still sliding all around that parking lot, and having one hell of a good time doing it.

I do not have the card any more, but I am a good driver in snow, and I am not the only one who says that. I sometimes wonder how many car accidents that police officer prevented. No matter how much snow is coming down, or how much snow is on the road, I am calm, confident, and steady behind the wheel.

We all do that in life. When we first venture out we are timid, then we go a little crazy. But, if we are lucky, we have someone who puts that hand on our shoulder, and in a calm voice, gives us the guidance we need. Then they stand back, and let us find our own way. The stepping back part is just as important as the non-judgmental advice and the hand on the shoulder. It lets us know that someone has confidence in us, confidence that we may not feel at the time. But, that confidence rubs off on us, and as we find our way we become calm, confident, and steady. After all, life is just driving in the snow.

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by | April 14, 2013 · 12:00 am

This is a Story of Titanic Newlyweds You Don’t Know


Star-crossed lovers. The poster was fashioned ...

Star-crossed lovers. The poster was fashioned after Titanic ‘ s. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There were several newlywed couples on board Titanic when she sailed from Queenstown (now Cobh, Ireland) in April of 1912. These are couples who married shortly before Titanic sailed, there were no couples married while Titanic was at sea. This article will introduce you to a few of them.

First up, John and Nellie Snyder, who were travelling in first class. When Titanic sailed John was just 24 and Nellie 23. The couple was offered seats in lifeboat number 7, ensuring their survival. The Snyder’s had a long and happy life, raising one girl and two boys. John died 47 years later from a massive heart attack. Nellie lived another 24 years and died at the age of 94.

The Bishop’s, Helen and Dickinson, where another first class newlywed couple. They were returning to their home in Southwest Michigan from a four-month European honeymoon. The Bishop’s were the fourth newlywed couple in lifeboat 7. Dickinson a wealthy, 24-year-old, widower had married the 19-year-old daughter of a family, which owned a company that manufactured an early version of the easy chair. Unfortunately, the Bishop’s lost their first son two days after he was born in December 1912. They divorced in 1916, Helen dying of a cerebral hemorrhage (from a fall) two months later. Dickinson of a stroke in 1961.

Photograph of a Lifeboat Carrying Titanic Surv...

Photograph of a Lifeboat Carrying Titanic Survivors – NARA – 278337 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Edward and Ethel Beane were a second class newlywed couple. Edward had immigrated to New York City. After several years he returned to England to marry Ethel and they sailed on Titanic. The Beane’s lost all of their money and wedding gifts when the great ship sank. Edward helped Ethel in lifeboat 13, but he stepped back when he was told, “Sorry, sir only women.” After the lifeboat reached the water, Edward saw it was only about half filled, so he dove into the water and swam for the lifeboat. His bride of one month was the person who pulled him into the lifeboat.

John Chapman, 37, and Lizzie Chapman, 29, were on their honeymoon after being married on December 26, 1911. John was also not allowed on a lifeboat. Lizzie turned to a friend and said, “ Goodbye Mrs. Richards, if John cannot go I will not go.” The couple died together. John’s body was later found and his effects returned to the family. Lizzie was never found.

There were many other newlywed couples (some say as many as 20), a few of them are:

Neal and Eileen McNamee (both lost)

John J. and Madeline Astor (Madeline survived)

Victor and Maria Castellana (Maria survived)

Lucian and Eloise Smith (Eloise survived)

Over the course of more than two decades, the one Titanic story that has intrigued me more than any other is the story of another honeymoon couple. I cannot tell you their names, I cannot tell you anything about their lives or how they died, I cannot even tell you if they survived. I can tell you how they spent their time on board Titanic. This story came to me from a Titanic survivor. There was a newly wedded couple immigrating to America to start a new life. The couple did not have enough money for them both to travel in second class, so the new groom bought a second-class ticket for his wife, and a third-class ticket for himself. The couple were frequently spotted at a gate separating second and third class passengers. They would talk and hold hands through the gate.

This story has been one I have returned to many times over the years, always searching for the identity of the mystery couple and their story. Where were they from? Where were they going? Had he gone ahead for a few years to make a new life, and then return for his bride, as so many men did in those days? What were their names? Did she step back from a lifeboat when he was refused admission? Did they even find each other after Titanic struck the iceberg?

Maybe this couple is my enigma, the one Titanic mystery to elude me. And maybe that is as it should be. I always take a reasoned, logical, scientific approach to life, particularly to research. I approach things very unemotionally; search for the last scraps of evidence, then painstakingly applying logic to arrive at the best possible analysis, always aware that emotion is my worst enemy when trying to arrive at facts. So, to some my romantic nature may seem odd and incongruous with this other side of my personality. But, it is the romantic side of my nature that has decided it does not want to know the truth behind this couple; if they survived, how they survived (if either of them did), or even if they ever existed at all.

In my mind (and heart), they can be whatever I need them to be at the time. The loving couple, who defying all odds, found each other in the chaos of the sinking Titanic and survive together, boarding a lifeboat arm in arm. I can have her weeping in a lifeboat at the loss of her husband as he swims to her side and is pulled into the lifeboat. I can have them finding each other only to arrive at the boat deck after all the lifeboats are gone. Maybe she refuses a seat in a lifeboat because her groom is denied a seat, and they die together. Or, he could have picked her up and forced her into a lifeboat (with or without the aid of one of Titanic’s crew) against her wishes, before he stepped back and died with the other men. No matter my fancy of the moment, if one survives without the other, my imagination always has the survivor living out a long life forsaking all others for the love that was lost. My favorite though has them living a long, joyful, fruitful life together; dying within a year of each other leaving children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to mourn a couple who held hands where ever they went, always.

The engineer and research part of my personality will never give up the chase, and will continue to track down any lead that will finally resolve this issue. But, I do not think my quest will be pursued with the same gusto it once was. I think this is one battle my romantic side has finally won. I think this is one story where the unknown is the greater story. In my mind they stand for all the “if only” and “should have been” tragedies of that great ship. In my mind, they are standing at the gate, holding hands through bars that will never separate their love for each other. Maybe, just maybe, that is how this story should end.

Unlike previous Titanic films, Cameron's retel...

Unlike previous Titanic films, Cameron’s retelling of the disaster showed the ship breaking into two pieces before sinking entirely. The scenes were an account of the moment’s most likely outcome. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you would like to read more about Titanic newlyweds we recommend, “Titanic love Stories: The true stories of 13 honeymoon couples who sailed on the Titanic”

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