Monthly Archives: March 2018

God ~ Thank You For My Enemies

I have four other articles for you waiting to be published. This week was to be the first in a two part series on Southern words. But…..

I awoke in the wee dark hours of the morning, just moments before an Instagram friend, Ayman, made a post.

I say Instagram friend, but I really don’t know her. I do not even remember how we ended up following each other. One of us probably made a comment the other liked on a mutual “friends” post and hit follow. Then the other did the polite thing and returned the follow. Life in our social media culture. But, it doesn’t matter. I am glad we follow each other, I do like her posts. Anyway…..

I awoke in a contemplative mood (writerly mood some say). Moments later she made a post that dove-tailed my thoughts, and here they are.

I love my enemies.

Not because any religion or God says I should or must. No I love my enemies in the Blackfoot way.

Once many years ago I met a man who was Blackfoot. In our short conversation he taught me much about the Blackfoot. Though I have forgotten most of his words and even what he looked like, I have remembered two things he taught me.

First, the Blackfoot are not a tribe, but a confederation of seven tribes.

Second, the Blackfoot measure the greatness of a man by the greatness of his enemies. At the time I did not understand just how profound that truly is.

Now I am not talking about someone who believes every bad rumor about you and gleefully passes it along. That person, for one reason or another, is jealous of you. They want to see your downfall because they feel that somehow it will increase their own stature or stop their own feeling of inadequacy.

I am also not talking about the person who has decided you are now persona non grata because you called them on their bullshit. That person has underestimated your intelligence, your worth, or both.

Neither of those people really KNOW you, and they never will. They can’t. They only know you as a reflection of themselves. Only those things in you that directly impact their self-image are even noticed by them. It is nothing personal.

Actually, the low regard both of those people have for you, has nothing to do with you. So get over it, it is not personal. Both of these people are convinced they know you like the back of their hand. They don’t. Which is why you surprise them (though they would never admit it), with your words and deeds from time to time.

So who am I talking about?

I am talking about a person who really, truly, knows you. They get you. They know your core beliefs, your core values, they see you. Not just your public image most people get. When you do or say something, they are not surprised. If truth be told, they probably could have predicted it.

It is those core principals of yours that they don’t like. They dislike you because of what they stand for.

Those last two sentences? Means they have core values and principals that guide them as well. It also means your core values clash with their core values someplace on the list.

There are only two people in this world who will ever surprise you. Those you see as family & friends, and a principled enemy.

Those who are close to you are the only ones who can betray you. Their betrayal, if it happens, will surprise you and hurt you deeply.


How can a principled enemy surprise you?

A principled enemy will surprise you at those moments when they defend you!


Defend you? Not going to happen! They are an enemy, they will never defend you!

Au contraire my friend!

We are not talking about someone who is jealous of you, nor are we talking about someone who is upset because you caught them on and called them on their bullshit. No, we are talking about a principled enemy who dislikes you because your values clash with their values.

Those petty people? They will take any victory over you they can, and if it includes things that are not true. Then so much the better.

Ah, but the principled enemy. It matters a great deal to them. Yes, they want to defeat you, yes they oppose you. But they want to defeat you on their principles vs. your principles. So, when the situation has played you false. The principled enemy will watch and wait. When no one else comes to your defense, your principled enemy will. No, you are not friends now. Yes, they still want to defeat you. But they want to defeat you fair and square, they want to defeat you because somewhere on the list your core values clash, and because you are preventing them from their goals, they are preventing you from your goals, or both.

A principled enemy is worth your respect. Principled enemies are also rare. Only a principled enemy will push you and make you reflect on your core beliefs. Only the principled enemy will make you stronger and teach you WHY your values are your values. The principled enemy will challenge you right down to the very foundations of what you believe. They will force you to know what you believe and why. A principled enemy will force you to stand on your convictions or change them, even if you do so alone. You cannot be a weak person if you have a great enemy.


You know….

Why the Blackfoot measure the greatness of a man by the greatness of his enemies.

Have a good day my friend.

And may all your enemies be great men (or women).


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Learn a Foreign Language ~ Speak Southern

We are starting a series on the Southern language. Yes, it really is like another language.

For those of you who live in other parts of the country you will see words that are used where you live also. However, those words, when you trace them back to their origins, came from the South.

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Accents, We All Have One (or do we?)

Actually, no, not everyone has an accent. However, I am getting ahead of myself again.

One night when insomnia and I were looking to occupy our time, I landed on PBS. Another college professor droning on about his topic. Blah, blah, blah. Linguistics. He was talking about regional accents and I was ready to switch to the shopping channel when he said something that caught my attention.

Ohio does not have a regional accent. How can anyone not have an accent of some sort. Next he moved to the South.

Okay now my Yorkie, Sam, and I were reaching for popcorn not the remote.

I grew up in the South. I have tramped all over Dixie. I know Southern accents, and I know the subtle differences. Tennessee, Texas, Louisiana, Georgia, South Carolina, NORTH Florida (that area South of Georgia East of Tallahassee, and North of Ocala. The panhandle is the panhandle not North Florida) each just slightly different.

To Yankees we all sound alike, except Louisiana, even Yankees can tell that difference. But the professor was explaining the “why’s and wherefore’s”and as much as I hated to admit it, he made a lot of sense.

He used a map to show the historical migration across the country. Then he showed a map that traced linguistical migration across the country. He even explained when certain groups migrated to certain areas (like Southerners to Missouri or Kansas) based on the commonalities of speech in the old area (South) and the new area (Missouri and Kansas).

If you come across that show sometime, watch it. He really did make it seem interesting. Who knew a college professor could actually be interesting. Turns out Ohio isn’t accent poor. Ohioans just have the most neutral accent of all Americans. He also explained the closest accent in America to the British accent is the Southern accent. The main difference is the ending sound of words. One slides up and the other slides down. Look up the show, you’ll see what I am talking about.

Anyway…. back to our story.

I do know a lot about accents though. And any Southern boy or girl that has moved to the land of Yankees does too. First thing you learn as a Southern Expatriate is — you have a Southern accent, you are stupid.

You work for a multi-national company in the engineering department. You have a master’s degrees in engineering and business administration. That’s nice. The janitor is going to talk down to you, get used to it, you have a Southern accent you are stupid.

Also, you will have people walk right up to you, look you in the eye, and say to you, “Say something.”

Yankees think we “sound cute” too. So you are entertaining, cute, and not very bright.

Obviously my first order of business after moving to this foreign land was not finding a new place to live, new friends, or even the nearest post office. Nope. I had to ditch the Southern accent.

My daughter Elizabeth taught me something about that. But, we’ll get to that later.

It was hard, but I finally managed to tone down the accent enough to fit in. It worked too. No longer was I entertaining, stupid, or cute every time I asked a question. People stopped walking up to me just to say, “Say something.”

Now flash forward two decades. I’m a proud dad, my daughter is ten years old, and my ex-wife has let me take our daughter on a road trip for the first time (thank you Marina).

Now maybe I didn’t want to sound Southern, but just like Herschel Walker, I am proud of my Southern roots. So naturally, after a visit to Missouri to see family, I took my daughter on a tour of the South.

We went through Arkansas, stayed the night in Chattanooga, Tennessee, through Georgia to South Carolina. We visited the Columbia Zoo thanks to one of my childhood friends. Then we went to Charleston and toured the city (I stocked up on yellow stone washed grits while I was there. Yankee grocery stores just don’t have good grits).

We did ghost walks, saw the Confederate submarine HL Hunley, walked the battery, met another childhood friend (awful lot of Floridians living in the Carolinas now that Yankees are taking over Florida), and generally had a great time before taking Elizabeth back to her mother in Ohio.

Now for the lesson on accents from my then 10 year old daughter. At her request, as we were driving around Charleston, I was explaining the history of Charleston and some of the places we were driving past.

As we were closing in on the battery I was in mid-sentence when my daughter started laughing hysterically.

“What is it Pumpkin?” I said.

“Daddy you sound just like them.”

There you have it. Two decades of learning about accents from friends, co-workers, PBS. Two decades of trying NOT to sound Southern. But the most profound thing I learned about accents came from my daughter after just 3 days in Charleston. Art was right, kids do say the damndest things.

It seems you can intentionally change your accent. But after just a few days in “the mother-land” your original accent will start to sneak up on you. No amount of defenses will save you.

You can take the Southerner out of the South, but you can never take the South out of the Southerner.

Y’all have a good day.

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