Yes karma. Most of the time most people think of karma as something that pays back or gets even with the people that did them wrong. “I hope I’m around when that jerk gets his/hers.”
We have all heard that statement before, and most of us have said it.
Other people think of karma like luck. There is good and bad karma, and we will cover good karma in the next articles. Now onto bad karma.
I want you to think of karma a little different. Karma is not about correcting what happened TO you, but about correcting YOU; so that this bad situation never happens to you again.
And in every situation there are lessons BOTH parties needed to learn about themselves.
But today, we aren’t going to worry about the lessons the other person/people needed to learn. We are going to concentrate on the lessons you need to learn.
Okay someone lied to you, cheated on you, was hateful to you, stole from you, stabbed you in the back, embarrassed you, (did I cover everything?) or whatever this bad experience was (there – covered it).
For now, let’s forget the other person/people, and concentrate on you.
Nothing in this world is ever 100% one side’s fault. If you got hurt, you probablely did something wrong too. Not every time, and sometimes what you did wrong you did not do to this person, you did it to someone else. Maybe you feel you did nothing wrong, or maybe your part was less than 10%. Okay, less say your part in this particular incident was less than 10% or 0%, you were totally innocent. It got your attention though – didn’t it? Like we said before, there is ALWAYS a lesson for BOTH sides. What is important is for you to put aside blame and find the lesson for you. What is it YOU need to learn from this.
Yes there are bad and hateful people in the world. Yes there is evil in the world. But that is not about you, that is about “the other guy”, and today we are not worried about “the other guy”, we are worried about you and reducing your bad karma or luck.
When we get to the end of this article there will be a list of everything we covered that you need to do. Not to put things back the way they were. Things will never be the way they were even if you reconcile with the other person/people. You need to do these things so that same situation does not happen to you again.
First things first. You were wrong also. Keep that to yourself. This is not about “confessing your sins”, if you need to do that we will cover that as well. This is not about blaming you or letting a scumbag get off Scott-free. This is about helping you so this does not happen to you again. Later we will get to whether you did someone/something in a hurtful/bad way or if you were enabling someone else to do something/someone in a hurtful/bad way.
We cannot do everything at once, we have to take this in steps and it is for your benefit. We want this to NEVER happen to you again.
Got that? We are not aiming to remove that person/persons from your life (we will talk about that later, and it might or might not be necessary). We are not aiming for revenge (that will only cause you more problems in the future, and we will cover that too – later.)
For right now that other person/persons do not existent. This is about you and you avoiding this situation permanently, from now until forever.
So, back to step one.
You were wrong also.
I know what you are thinking. Believe me, I have “been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it”, I’m serious. I once bought a t-shirt that had emblazoned across the front “I hope you have a sh!ty day”. Oh yeah, I was definitely blaming the other person 100%.
What happened was NOT all your fault. Remember what we said before “Nothing in this world is ever 100% one side’s fault” even if someone stole from you. You were wrong also, (but you were not alone). Just think about that for a few moments. “You were also at fault.” So, now…..
You, need to forgive you. Say it out loud or silently, but say it. (Out loud is better.)
“I was wrong also. I am human. I make mistakes. My mistakes helped bring this about. I forgive me. I will learn from my mistakes, so this exact situation does not happen again.”
It is important that you say “also” at the end of that first sentence. You are admitting that what happened was a SHARED responsibility. The other person may never admit their own responsibility. Nothing you can do about that. If they don’t admit their share of the problem you can only accept that. Some times you need to forgive a wrong never admitted and accept an apology never given.
Take a minute and take some deep breathes. You just took the first two steps towards making sure you are never hurt like this again.
The next step is a little harder. List 3 things you did wrong. Most people will be tempted to try to bring “the other guy” back in again. “I never should have trusted that bastard/bitch. THAT is what I did wrong.” But that really isn’t about what you did wrong is it? It is about the person who cheated on you, lied to you, hurt you, or whatever. If you are going to keep this from ever happening again you need to correct your wrongs. You cannot correct the wrongs of another. So, correct YOUR wrongs.
Write down those 3 things. If you are being honest with yourself this could be very hard to do, or you might be able to list dozens of things you did wrong. But you need to write 3 things that you did wrong.
Were you being selfish? Did you know you were about to do something wrong, but did it anyway? Were you taking out on someone something someone else did to you? Were you expecting more than you should have, or more than you could have done if the roles were reversed? Were you expecting more than you would want someone to expect from you? Did you put your own needs, wants, desires, above others? Was your own happiness so important that hurting someone else was acceptable this time? Were you so concerned with yourself that the possibilty that others might be hurt never crossed your mind? Maybe you did not care how anyone else was effected. That last one is a big one. You might find all or some of those things on your list above, or maybe none of your items are above. That’s okay. The important thing is for you to list 3 things YOU did (or didn’t do) that helped bring about this situation. The only thing in this world that you can control 100% is you. Now you have a list of 3 things YOU can control completely.
Maybe, you cannot see anything you did that was wrong. Bring that other person back for a minute – mentally. Okay think about that person and his/her normal actions/words. Do they normally do or say those things? (Example: if she’s mad about your flirting or accusing you of cheating, are you a flirt and she’s not?) Then you found what you did wrong – you are putting your wants, needs, and desires ahead of hers.
Whatever it is you did wrong you need to write it down on paper. Don’t show it to anyone. Now write across the bottom, “I will not do these again!” Now put that piece of paper someplace where it is always with you, no one will see it, and you can read it a couple of times a day.
Now, for the next several days you need to carry that with you. Take it out and read it – out loud if you can. Think about what you did. When those days are done, take it out, read it out loud, and think about the person most important to you doing those things to you in a similar situation. How would that make you feel? Think about that. Think about that each time you read those items. Do this for several days.
Now you are beginning to understand how your actions make other people feel. When you first, grudgingly said, “This was partly my fault” you believed you were not responsible for any of it, or maybe 2%. Now you are not so sure. Now you feel a little bad and think you were 50% or 70% wrong (maybe more, maybe less). No, you were not. Let’s say that again. No. You were not that bad.
When we started you were not accepting your responsibility in this situation that hurt you. You were putting all the blame on someone else. Now you have taken a good look at yourself and you are taking too much of the responsibility on yourself.
Remember, there were two sides to this. Both sides share some of the blame. You really are not as guilty as you feel right now. (Unless you were not honest with yourself about your share of the situation). But, if you now can see your own mistakes and understand the effects those mistakes can have on others – let’s keep going. Otherwise you need to go work on your list a little harder.
Now you can take steps to stop from making your past mistakes in the future. Now we can create the environment where you never repeat this situation again.
This example was in the form of something that happened between two people. But karma applies to individuals and groups. Good and bad karma also comes from the people you associate with. Do all your friends have prison records? Then don’t be surprised when law enforcement starts looking at you as a possible criminal. The same applies to any type of characteristic that people can have good or bad – lying & honesty, cheating & fidelity, stealing & integrity, meanness & kindness. Just as bad karma can “rub off on you” so can good karma. Associate with people of good characteristics & values and you will get a positive benefit of a doubt. Good karma.
One other thing we need to cover right now. If the “other party” is a group (2 or more people, business, organization, or etc.) or the law is or will be involved, you need to hire a lawyer before you do anything. Doing something, even with good intentions, without the advice of a lawyer could cause many problems later. Most lawyers offer “first visit free” or “free consultation”. During that free visit you might find out you don’t need a lawyer.
Now, “confessing your sins”. Maybe you never want to associate with that person again. Okay, you don’t have to (but if you have to or want to, do not skip ahead). You can do both, break off with someone and apologize for your own actions that were wrong.
It is a good idea to apologize for your wrongs even if you never want to see or hear from that person again. There are too many reasons to list why so let’s just say it will give you good karma to apologize for your errors and leave it at that.
Your apology, written or spoken, should be in your own words, but go something like this. We have given two endings based on whether you want to reconcile or you do not.
I am sorry this happened between us. Part of the responsibility for this is mine. (Now you are going to list the 3 things you wrote down.)
I….
1) first mistake
2) second mistake
3) third mistake.
I am sorry for my mistakes and the part they had in this whole affair (or our friendship or whatever the relationship was).
If you want to go your separate ways.
I do think this is the time for us to go our separate ways, but I did not want things to end the way they are.
If you want to reconcile your partnership, friendship, or et al..
I don’t want us to go our separate ways, but even if we do I did not want things to end as they are right now.
If anyone ever comes to you with something similar, written or spoken, you should acknowledge them.
Admit you were partly to blame and let them know if you wish to try to mend things or go your separate ways. You should never leave someone guessing – that’s bad karma and bad manners.
If you really truly think “none of this was my fault”. Then reply with two words. “Thank you”.
If you would like to reconcile admitting you were partially to blame as well and listing a number of your mistakes is a huge step towards recovering from this riff between you two.
Important to remember though. Just because you apologize does not mean the other person will also apologize. They could respond with, “Damn right it was your fault!” Or, they could give you an insincere apology. That is okay. Remember, this is about you not them. You are improving YOUR karma. Their karma is what they make of it.
Now for the subject of revenge.
No matter how you approach revenge it is bad karma for you. Yes you will feel better, for now. But when you practice revenge you truly are inviting bad things to happen to you in the future.
Steps to remove bad karma from your life.
1. Admit to yourself you share part of the blame and the other person/people share part of the blame.
2. Say to yourself……
“I was wrong also. I am human. I make mistakes. My mistakes helped bring this about. I forgive me. I will learn from my mistakes, so this exact situation does not happen again.”
(Do not forget your deep breathes now.)
3. Write down 3 of your mistakes.
4. Ponder that list for a few days.
5. Think of the person most important to you doing those things to you. How would you feel?
6. Ponder that for a few days.
7. Write your apology.
I am sorry this happened between us. Part of the responsibility for this is mine. (Now you are going to list the 3 things you wrote down.)
I….
1) first mistake
2) second mistake
3) third mistake.
I am sorry for my mistakes and the part they had in this whole affair (or our friendship or whatever the relationship was).
8. Decide if you want the relationship to end or continue. Add that to the apology.
9. Now, put the apology aside for one week (or longer, you want all emotions on both sides to cool before you give your apology).
10. Cooling-off period over. Now say or write your apology.
And when you do this, anticipate being ignored. Whether they give you the opportunity or not, you will not be let down, and you may get a pleasant surprise.
Remember!
This is about YOU taking action to make positive changes in YOUR life.
Next week how to attract good karma or good luck.
joeccombs2nd 