This Spring and Summer has been rough on many people I know. Deaths, job loss, and the end of relationships, I know, I know. I’ve even posted things on my Facebook wall to try and help some of my friends, but unfortunately the wrong people thought I was posting about them. So, here is my advice. Yeah I am not a doctor or counselor or anything like that. But I have been through a lot of crap throughout my 53 years, including this year. And right now I am pretty damn happy with where I am. I could be down, but I choose to be happy and grab life by the tail. So, without boring further with details of my life, here is my advice to you. First – GET MAD DAMNIT !!! “But, Joe I did not break up or lose a job, I had a death close to me.” Ok, fair enough. Here is what YOU need to do. GET MAD DAMNIT !!! Yup that’s what I said. Get mad about the cancer or disease that robbed you of someone. Get mad at all the years you won’t have with that person. Get mad about all the things that person will miss. Get mad at whatever you want, but get mad. Getting mad will help you get through this bad time. Now here are some other things I want you to do.
- Do not compare. Every person and every situation is unique. Sure there are things that are similar. But there are enough things that are unique too. So do not compare. Concentrate on your situation and only on your situation.
- Do not live in the past. Do what you need to so that you can make your peace with what happened. But when you have done that move on. And the last thing you need to do before you move on is FORGIVE. Forgive whoever it is you need to, but forgive and move on. Forgive your ex-significant other, ex-employer, the person who passed away, if you need to forgive God. You do not forgive for others. You forgive others for yourself. To forgive is like putting the period at the end of the sentence. Until you forgive you will always have this loss on your mind. It will be competing with your present and your future. There is no room for the past in your future.
- Do not judge and do not think about the judgment of others. Is it really going to change anything? I mean really! Life is hard enough as it is without judgment, so do not judge others and do not worry about how others judge you. There are so many things going on that no one person knows the entire story. Forgive, and move on.
- At the end of the week (end of the day would be better) take some time and think about what has happened since the last time you stop to think about your day or week. You know what you want to do with your life, or at least what you do not want to do. So just think about what’s going on. Does it help you get to where you want to be (or keep you from where you DO NOT want to be)? If the answer is yes – hey congratulations. If the answer is no, then promise yourself to try and do better tomorrow. Remember do not judge. Do not judge others or yourself.
- Do not try to change others. First you do not know EVERYTHING that person is having to deal with, even if they are a spouse. Accept them as they are, forgive if you must, and put your mind firmly on the present with an eye to the future.
- This one is the hardest. DO NOT COMPLAIN OR WORRY. Complaining and worry are like rocking chairs. They keep you busy, but they do not get anywhere. If you have something to complain about, you have something to take action on. And worry? Well either it is something you can do something about or it is something you cannot do anything about. If you can do something about it then do it! If there is nothing you can do then do not worry about it you cannot change anything by your action and worry will not change anything either
I do believe in you. I have always believed in people, and always will. You WILL be fine, I promise. And if I can do something for you then let me know and I will do what I can. Luv ya, take care, Joe